last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
