Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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