I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
