So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
