I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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