went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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