'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
