just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
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