i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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