Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize