wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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