As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
