I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
