Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am available for nakedness
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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