Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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