I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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