so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
