Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
