i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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