Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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