I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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