My room smells like vodka and shame
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We're too hungover to prance.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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