well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
