I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
