Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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