cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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