if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
