I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
