so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
