Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm passing your future prison.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize