i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
