I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
