what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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