the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.