No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
