No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
