he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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