People in love make me want to vomit
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
