Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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