by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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