i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize