I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
