I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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