Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
