i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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