I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
