Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
