im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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