i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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