i think my mom watched the whole time
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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