i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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