My liver just broke up with me...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
