I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
