Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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