I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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