so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
