there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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