evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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