At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
