I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
