I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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