dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
