Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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