I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
